Racing Naked (and Other Strange Delusions)

Racing Naked (and Other Strange Delusions)

Apr 26, ’07 2:58 AM for everyone

Racing Naked (and Other Strange Delusions)

By Ani Karina S. de Leon

 

 

Its simply bizarre how many unbidden thoughts suddenly pop into your head while you are racing or training.  I have been competing for many years now and still I can’t quite put a handle on all the things that barge into my brain without warning while I am trying my best to carry out my job seriously.  You’d think that after a while these thought patterns would become more and more predictable, but they don’t. 

 

My own unscientific and unfounded theory is that because of the intense pain (or boredom, whatever the case may be) we have to endure, we tend to lose focus on the task at hand and try to entertain ourselves with other ideas—though not necessarily less intense, as I pleasantly discovered with my primitive and random SMS-based research. 

 

From the replies that I have received thus yet, I feel just a wee bit saner than some of my more imaginative fellow athletes.  As these events really transpired, I give thanks to my unnamed subjects who gamely narrated them to me.  The list that follows is all proof that the grey matter we have up there is really much more colorful than that dull and boring shade. 

 

And the winners are…

 

1. WHY AM I DOING THIS???  (hands down favorite thought)
2. Hey check out that monkey eating a Powerbar!  Sayang, I could really use that right now…
3. Was that Senator Cayetano?  I think I prefer her hair that way.  Looks fuller.
4. Damn I LOOK GOOD.
5. Nice Ass.
6. It’s f-in HOT!!! I wish I could run naked.
7. KY jelly or petroleum jelly? I know KY is better for other stuff…
8. I’m outrunning a Kenyan right now.  Not.
9. Anytime now someone will spring out of the bushes with a nice massage bed and give me a rubdown and some Salon-pas.
10. What’s the best way to draft off this person without catching all his sweat??? It’s all pouring into my mouth!!!  I better just keep it closed.
11. This is me, this is the real me, and I am: The Flash!!!
12. Aargh. My nipples are bleeding.  I should really stock up on Band-Aids.
13. I could win this!!! (newbie triathlete doing an Ironman distance event)
14. What does one have to do to get an ice cold beer in these useless aid stations?
15. (singing the song for three hours) “Isang libo’t isang tuwa, buong bansa, Eat Bulaga!”
16. Hmm, my legs feel really nice and smooth from that waxing job.  Sarap, parang baby.
17. Uuunngghh.  Now I wish I didn’t have those oysters last night.
18. Before crossing the finish line: Dear Lord, I promise to quit smoking, I will drink less alcohol, please just let me beat _____.   After crossing the finish line and kicking ass:  Only kidding Lord.  I’ll just go to church to thank You later.
19. Goodness, is he wearing a g-string under those see-through bike shorts???!!!  What the heck!!??
20. I’m not cramping up I’m not cramping up I’m not cramping up uh-oh I’m cramping up I’m Cramping Up I’M CRAMPING UP HELPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darn it.  I’ll just walk.
21. I should’ve trained for this. Stupid.